January 9, 2012

Lattes, cowboys and tall tales in Tucson

My train arrived here at about 3 a.m. last night, and since the only hotel room within walking distance of the station would have run me more than $100 for just a few hours shut eye, I decided to occupy a nearby playground instead.

When it was dark out, it looked enough like a park to roll out my sleeping bag and get a little sleep. But by dawn, when the early morning joggers and bike riders started to come through, it became pretty evident it was just a playground. Rather than risk a visit by the local authorities, I packed up my bed roll and started my search for breakfast.

I ran into a Mexican fellow who brought me to the Shot in the Dark Cafe. Turns out, it not only serves a pretty good latte but also lives up to its name as a sort of 21st century, early morning variation on the old-time western saloon.

Don’t believe me? Where else would you hear a line like this one:

“I shot a man in Texas, right between the eyes.”

Merrick LeBlanc

That’s what Merrick LeBlanc said to me when I asked him what he was doing in prison for 12 years.

The subject came up when he introduced himself as Merrick, from Louisiana. I said I was Bob, from Rhode Island and he said the only other Ocean Stater he had ever met was while he was doing time in the Lone Star state.

Merrick said the Rhode Islander was imprisoned for being unlucky – said he tried to scare a man by shooting over the guy’s shoulder, but instead hit him in the temple. I told him that wasn’t like a Rhode Islander, as most of the times we shoot to kill and noted that unlucky might have been if he missed the guy altogether, as planned.

We had a good laugh and Merrick offered me a hit from the fifth of whiskey he had in his jacket pocket. I declined and offered him a sip of my latte.

“Oh no, I don’t touch the hard stuff,” he said with a wink, deciding to stick with his black coffee and whiskey instead.

Merrick and me were clearly having some fun with each other, so when he told me he avoided running afoul of the law these days by being a cowboy I told him I used to be a cowboy too until I figured out I was actually something quite different.

Merrick took my cue and I told him the one cowboy joke I know.

“Well, I was sitting at a bar in Wyoming when a beautiful woman sat next to me and asked if I was really a cowboy. I told her I was and she asked me what cowboys do. I told her I rustle cattle and ride horses and fix fences and such. Why what do you do, I asked her.

‘Well, I’m a lesbian,’ she said.

Now, I didn’t know what a lesbian did anymore than she knew what a cowboy did so I asked her about being a lesbian.

‘Well,’ she said, ‘I love beautiful women, and seeing them naked and making love to them and such.’

Next time I was at the bar another beautiful woman came up to me and asked me if I was really a cowboy, and I said to her:

Well, I used to think I was a cowboy, but it turns out I think I’m a lesbian.”

— Bob Plain